I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
