Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
