Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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