I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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