I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
