I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
