I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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