I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
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Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
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Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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