No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
