my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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