dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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