fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
