puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
be right there i have to get my cape
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
