I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
