I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
