He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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