I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
