They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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