I'm so fucking centered right now
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
