Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
