I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
