Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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