What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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