Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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