i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
