apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize