I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize