It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
