i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
