so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
