No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
