You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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