dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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