Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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