he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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