I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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