p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Still dying that you shit outside
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
