She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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