My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
