There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dick very happy bro
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Panties = found
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
