even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
