Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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