dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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