Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
