just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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