im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
