I love black thongs
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
