You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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