I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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