I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
