in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
