that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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