so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
