So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just invented taco cereal.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
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Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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