Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
