glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Semen is not good for contacts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
