thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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