I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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