First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
