My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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