Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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