did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
