ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
