you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
