He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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