i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
