i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
