chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
