Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
