Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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