So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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