dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
