is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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