i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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