im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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